As for 'bringing your partner down with you' if you are not shouting at him or making mucked shoot casino remarks or deliberately making him feel guilty then his moods are just that 'his'. Gambling monster's will to survive is greater There was no discussion about what had happened as I knew he wouldnt want to talk about it.
As I discussed with Velvet yesterday, when I first started this i felt the whole "look after you first" mentality was a load of hippy hoo-haa. Hopefully you have had time to gather your thoughts and recover. Unfortunately, he definitely snuck in a drink or two when I nipped to the shops.
He will always be a CG regardless recovery never stops even after 20 years clean they still need to remain mindful.
He may complain about this and this is where step three comes in, voice what you need from the relationship, I find writing is best as it makes them have to listen and they can look at it again perhaps in a different state of mind.
My logic, I can either let myself be pulled mucked shoot casino back into the gambling spiral, where we are both in terrible moods and taking it out on each other. And have definitely been guilty of enabling and falling into the trap of joining in, as it was something we could both enjoy obviously, at the time i didnt realise the impact I was having joining in and dont encourage the gambling anymore.
I am sure it felt horrible and I am glad you had your home to go back to and a safe place to reflect. The one where CG and I pretend like nothing is going on.
I will try and get onto the helpline but it wont be today so I will have to try and keep strong. I really need that right now. Deep down in your heart you know this is the truth, but your mind and voice are not yet fully mucked shoot casino with mucked shoot casino heart.
He knows which buttons to press hence his use of the child missing you. As my therapist said to me: Maybe that's selfish but the truth is I really love him and it is his selfish actions which are driving me away.
The thing that is making it really hard is facing up to the idea that he is also an alcoholic. As always, really appreciated!
Actions speak loader than words, watch as much as listen, don't be swept up by the words. I am seeing things so much clearer now and can start to see triggers.
He has made it clear that he doesnt want to let me in, he wants to do everything himself but that he is incredibly stressed out. Only he can find his exit, try to save him and you will get dragged down with him.
I think this reply is a mixture of replying to you and getting stuff off my chest, so sorry if i ramble on about irrelevant stuff. Its amazing how coming to the realisation that there is something which I am struggling with, which needs to be explored more, completely washed over me until it was really pointed out to me and i then went looking for an answer.
We went through many stages over many months from minimizing it to finally accepting help to appease me, it was the hardest time of my life. This made me anxious as our last hotel stay was a disaster on so many ways and ended up with me hundreds of pounds down. He has to work on it and has not been consistently 'clean' over the last 4 years but he is emerging.
He has already said that the only way he will be sober is because of his son's karate class that evening and he cant turn up to that drunk. You are doing better than you think, you are hear, you are listening, you are learning, all part of looking after you: Velvet, i did speak to the helpline, it was nice to get some support so i will keep pushing with helping myself before I can help anyone else I need to step away now.
With or without CG.
But in myself at the minute i am not strong enough to see it through or give an ultimatum as I'm not certain that I can keep strong on it. Which I cant remember ever happening before. I really don't know what's goin to happen now, he's obviously going to lose his job but I'm praying they don't get the police involved as this will ruin him.
He said that he hadnt thought about us at all.